Phoebe Lucille

aka

Phoebalicious

Psalms 127:3 (GNT) ³ Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing.

My family has been blessed in so many ways but one of the blessings we are most grateful for are all the children each of us have been given by God.  Since I have several siblings we have had the joy of lots of little feet running around over the years.  We have been blessed to experience the precious children individually and in pairs.  I want to take a moment to break it down for you in hopes you will better understand how much the devastating news we received yesterday about Phoebe is so heart breaking for our family.  Although, I do understand a child dying of cancer is heartbreaking no matter what!

Kristina (currently 27 yrs) and Desiree (currently 25 yrs) were the first set of blessings for our family, they came with Gus when he married my older sister Dede and they were 4 and 6 yrs old and so much fun!  They were the only grand-kids/nieces and the joy of our family for a long time. 

Jake (currently 17 yrs) and Sam (currently 16 yrs) were the next set born although not at the same time and different parents but they are about six weeks apart, so close enough :)  Oh how excited we were to have new babies around and BOYS!  We enjoyed watching them discover things and Mammaw, Julie, finally had little people who shared her love of bugs and snakes!

Robert (currently 13) and Parker (currently 13) came next, again not a the same time, but this time Dede and my brother Jim I guess planned better because the boys are only four weeks apart!  We again were so excited to have new babies and more boys!!!  By this time we were definitely very familiar with all things boys, who knew boys could be so much fun!

Mable and Molly (just turned 13 yrs) my girls, followed shortly after the boys since they are just eight months younger than Robert and Parker.  Finally more girls to even out the playing field ;)  It was definitely interesting to see four little ones running around all at once and we were an extremely busy family at holiday functions.  But so much fun :)

This was our group of grand-kids/nieces/nephews for a few years and a pure delight for our family! We enjoyed every moment we had with them and still enjoy the young adults they are becoming today.  I am so proud to say they are being raised in Godly homes and are developing their own personal relationships with Jesus. 

Since Amey is my little sister, her group of children came a few years after this bunch and the Fair’s didn’t come in pairs.  I think there was a little bit more sweetness with this round of children because the “older” siblings were done having children and each birth was so exciting and new.

Ben (currently 11 yrs) a new baby boy!  It was so exciting to have a baby again to cuddle and snuggle with.  Ben was a very happy baby and so sweet!  He still is extremely sweet too.  

Averic (currently 9 yrs) a new baby boy! This one with blonde hair and the cutest nose, it was so wonderful to have another baby again and all the excitement and joy that comes with them.  His adventurous spirit is one of my favorite things!

Deacon (currently 5 yrs) a new baby boy! Oh how we love this boy and enjoyed having a wonderful baby to snuggle and cuddle.  His shyness makes you appreciate his hugs, cuddles, and love that much more :)

As you can see our family line up is very heavy on the boy side ;)  We think they are FABULOUS and now that they are all a lot bigger it is impressive to see all of them in one room!  Boys can eat lots and lots of food, just sayin…

Now we are to the one and only PHOEBALICIOUS! (currently 3 yrs) oh how this girl kept up waiting!  Since Amey lived in Mexico and believed in having a natural birth, we did a lot of waiting!  Phoebe finally made her arrival 3 weeks after her original due date.  Everyone was on baby watch via Facebook for many reasons, but the main one being we didn’t know if we were getting a boy or a girl.  Since the Fair’s like to produce boys, the odds were pretty strong for another Fabulous Fair Boy.  Oh the excitement of "it’s a girl"!  Phoebe has held all our attention from in the womb and still holds all of us captive today.  She is the baby girl of our family, she shines so brightly with her sweet smile and personality.  To be with her is to fall head over heels madly in love with her.  You can’t help yourself; you just want more and more of her!  You have never seen anything more precious than watching all the grandkids/nieces/nephews tend to her every need.  Yes, from birth to present Phoebe is our princess, our heart, and our miracle.  Being the “baby” and all things pink, sparkly, and girly in this huge group has a special place in all our hearts.  Phoebe captivates us like the sun, moon, and stars.  She is our miracle because as my dad posted on Facebook, “In Phoebe we have had a rare opportunity. In Phoebe we have seen Jesus and we will never be the same.”  Our hearts are all breaking, but the out pouring of love, prayers, and support our family has received during this journey is amazing!  Phoebe may not have much time left on this Earth, but the impact she has had in her short life will last for years to come.  Phoebe is definitely following in her great grandfather Zig Ziglar’s steps and leaving a legacy of leading people to Jesus!

Thank you so much for all the kind words, prayers, love, and support.  I am so grateful God has wrapped our family in such loving arms.  Our family is a family of faith and today's these verse bring me comfort.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) 

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Phoebalicious’ Aunt Jenni

Changed

Some days I find myself so wrapped up in gratitude I am a HUGE cry baby because it is so overwhelming and other days I struggle with fear of the unknown.  I can be overly grateful in one moment and then get that call with bad news about someone I love and suddenly be wrapped up in fear  the next moment.  It is an emotional rollercoaster for sure on some day.  But I love that God knows what I need, what I will go through, and how things will turn out long before I ever step on the rollercoaster.  I love that Jesus experienced this life on Earth and set the example for how we should live, and in this case respond to fear.  For a few months now this scripture has been speaking to me,

Luke 22:41-44 (Good News Translation)

⁴¹ Then he went off from them about the distance of a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed. ⁴² “Father,” he said, “if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.” ⁴³ An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴ In great anguish he prayed even more fervently; his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

It is encouraging to know that even Jesus asked God to please remove this cup of suffering from him.  It is so nice to know that even Jesus had to be scared on some level; He knew He would be enduring torture and a very painful death.  He knew the road ahead was not going to be easy.  BUT He did not set the example for us to dwell in the fear or run from it, He taught us to pray for God’s will to be done.  Why?  Because He knew God’s will was perfect and He knew what needed to happen for God’s glory and purpose. 

As I sit here tonight I think about all the pain I have gone through over this past year.  All the pain my family and friends have gone through and are going through.  I think about all the times I have asked, begged, and pleaded for God to please remove this cup of suffering from me because at times it just seemed like too much to bare. What I have discovered is while I have begged and pleaded for an easier road I have also asked for God’s will to be done in my life because I do know He wants what is best for me.  I can say that had God answered my cries to remove the pain, I would not be the person I am today.  I am stronger, confident, assured, and FIRMLY planted in my relationship with Him.  I have an unshakeable faith because I have endured some strong storms where every direction was tossing me around and He was all I had to cling too.  I am forever grateful God didn’t give me what I wanted (the easier path with a magic cure) but gave me what I needed (a road that lead me to be fully dependent upon Him).  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter how scary the situation looks, I will be ok.  There is nothing too big for God and NOTHING is a shock to Him either!  

I am forever changed and forever grateful that God met me in my deepest, darkest, scariest, and broken place a year ago and loved me through it.  He changed me to be a reflection of Him and opened up so many doors to strengthen and encourage others in their darkest of moments.  He made me relatable and has given me the ability to be transparent.  My favorite picture these days is the one that says “When life gets too hard to stand….Kneel”  I love my Savior because he has saved me and not because I deserve it, but because He loves me.  All I did was cry out and was willing to surrender, to die to myself and live for Him.

I am so grateful for the life I have these days and blessed beyond belief :)

Changed – Rascal Flatts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVgfHz_f4Os

Drawing my Line…

Deuteronomy 1:32-33 (Good News Translation)

³² But in spite of what I said, you still would not trust the Lord, ³³ even though he always went ahead of you to find a place for you to camp. To show you the way, he went in front of you in a pillar of fire by night and in a pillar of cloud by day.

Lately I have been asking myself why does it feel like I am standing still and not moving closer to God.  Why does it feel as though my prayers are not being answered?  Why does it feel like life is so scary and uncertain?  I consider myself active in church, pray with my children, try to be a reflection of Jesus and His amazing love, spend time in the Bible, and so on.  It just feels like I hit a wall in some ways.  Now I totally get that feelings are just that FEELINGS.  Joyce Meyer’s posted this the other day on Facebook, “The sooner we learn that feelings are fickle, the better off we are.” Which is so true!  If I let my feelings lead me, man I get into LOTS of trouble!  The past nine months have taught me to trust in God’s promises and truth and not my feelings.  The past nine months have been an amazing journey for my spiritual walk and gratitude just doesn’t seem to be enough for all the blessings in my life.  But now I find myself at a wall, stuck, or standing still.  I have several friends that attended the Women of Faith Conference and honestly I was a little jealous because I couldn’t go.  I desperately knew I needed to get back into that “connection” with God, the kind that women experience while being with other women.  I watched my neighbor leave, but before she left I said I want to hear all about it when you get home!  God is SO AWESOME because she came home and told me all about it and prayers I had been praying just a day before were answered through her visiting with me about the conference.  She told me about one of the speakers, Shelia Walsh, and shared her story about realizing she didn’t trust God completely.  How she found herself coming back to the same broken place and asking God WHY do I keep coming back here.  She heard Him ask, do you trust me?  Now she was at the beach during this conversation with God and decided to draw line in the sand to say, demonstrate, and make a picture of being done with going backwards.  So she drew her line in the sand.  I say all of this because hearing this paraphrased story from my neighbor I heard God asking, do you trust me???  and if I am being totally honest, my answer was yes Lord, BUT not completely.  Not with everything, not with some of my super scary things, and I have been hiding hoping You didn’t see or notice.  

Hebrews 4:12-13 (Good News Translation)

¹² The word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. It cuts all the way through, to where soul and spirit meet, to where joints and marrow come together. It judges the desires and thoughts of the heart. ¹³ There is nothing that can be hid from God; everything in all creation is exposed and lies open before his eyes. And it is to him that we must all give an account of ourselves.

God knew I was hiding and because He is patient, loving, kind, merciful, forgiving, and a comforter He was waiting on me to get out of myself.  He met me this weekend and spoke to me so tenderly about where the disconnect really was, my trust issues, and took me by the hand and showed me how He is going to teach me that He can be trusted. BUT I had to make the first step because faith means ACTION, so yesterday I drew my line!  I will TRUST GOD with EVERYTHING and COMPLETELY.


 

This picture was taken yesterday afternoon and I can’t even begin to tell you all the miracles and blessings that happened by the time I went to bed.  I started the book, Beautiful Things Happen When Woman Trust God by Shelia Walsh and WOW, that is exactly what I saw and felt by the time I was crawling into bed last night.


God is AMAZING and I can’t wait to see where I go from here…



 

Evening Comes

Psalms 103:1-5 (Good News Translation)

Praise the Lord, my soul!  All my being, praise his holy name ² Praise the Lord, my soul, and do not forget how kind he is. ³ He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. ⁴ He keeps me from the grave and blesses me with love and mercy.⁵ He fills my life^[b] with good things, so that I stay young and strong like an eagle.

Oh it has been so long since I have written here and I could give lots of reasons as to why, but I won’t.  I just haven’t for various reasons and at the end of the day they are just excuses if I was being honest.  This summer has been hard!  Being separated is not fun and is super scary.  Mable’s autism is a lot to handle some days and the unknown for her life is super scary.  My niece having a rare brain cancer with 50% chance of survival and seeing the affect it has on my sister, her husband, and their boys is horrible and super scary!  Various other close family & friends struggling with health issues, financial issues and life’s hard times is hard to understand and super scary.  Some days I would like nothing more than to just climb in bed, not encourage others, lend an ear or anything else.  Basically just hide from the world and all the troubles that unfold each day.  If I was being honest some days I do hide, not in bed because having children prevents that from happening, and try to escape my troubles in life.  I have had pity parties for myself and jumped on the band wagon of “I don’t want to” thinking.  However, at the end of the day this is what I remember,

2 Corinthians:3-4 (Good News Translation)

³ Let us give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the merciful Father, the God from whom all help comes!⁴ He helps us in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God.

How can my faith grow if I only have blessings?  How can I be relatable and help others if I have no troubles and sorrows of my own?  How can I show God’s love for me if I am “hiding” from the world? The answer I come to is I can’t be all that God created me to be when I am focused on myself and all the issues that happen in my life.  

Luke 11:33-36 (Good News Translation)

³³ No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts it under a bowl;^[a] instead, it is put on the lampstand, so that people may see the light as they come in.³⁴ Your eyes are like a lamp for the body. When your eyes are sound, your whole body is full of light; but when your eyes are no good, your whole body will be in darkness.³⁵ Make certain, then, that the light in you is not darkness.³⁶ If your whole body is full of light, with no part of it in darkness, it will be bright all over, as when a lamp shines on you with its brightness.

At the end of the day, I have so much to be grateful for and today is no different!  Today, our precious Phoebe’s MRI came back clear (no tumors) and she continues the fight against AT/RT.  Both of my amazing girls speak and know God’s truth, want to serve, and love being plugged into their church youth group.  God continues to open doors for me to teach them, encourage them, and raise them in His truth on their level of understanding.  I am surrounded by extremely loving, encouraging, and supportive family and friends.  But most of all, God is NEVER out of reach or too busy for me and my troubles.  He is just waiting on me, which is pretty awesome!

So I leave on this note because I am singing when the evening comes :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXDGE_lRI0E&feature=related

Worship

2 Maccabees 1:2-5 (Good News Translation)

² May God be good to you and keep the covenant he made with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, his faithful servants.³ May he fill each of you with the desire to worship him and to do his will eagerly with all your heart and soul.⁴ May he enable you to understand his Law and his commands. May he give you peace,⁵ answer your prayers, forgive your sins, and never abandon you in times of trouble. 

For years my definition of worship has been going to church, singing praise songs, and hearing the sermon.  I am learning that while those things are worship, there is a much deeper meaning involved in the act of worship.  It isn’t something I do; it is something God does in me and it is amazing.  It is a heart change, meaning there is not anything I do not praise God for these days.  I praise Him for troubles, I praise Him for blessings, and I find myself praising Him when I don’t even realize I am doing it.  It has become so much a part of me; it is like breathing, it just happens.  When I totally surrendered myself and my desires, basically died to self, and made the choice to only live a life according to God’s Will a change took place.  

Galatians 2:20 (Good News Translation)

²⁰ so that it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. This life that I live now, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me.

God has been very busy changing me, the list is really endless as I sit here and think about it, so grateful *sigh*  BUT there is still a lot of changing left for Him to do!  Each day I am in awe at how I view things differently, my biggest shock is the desire eat differently and workout!  Shortly after my first few visits with my family Pastor it occurred to me overeating was a sin.  I knew sin broke God’s heart and I had a vision of Him crying from a broken heart because I was not taking care of myself the way He wanted me to.  This does not mean I need to be super model skinny, no wrinkles, or anything else our society tries to communicate to women.  It simply means that I need to be healthy.  I need to eat good for my body food with proper portion sizes and I need to exercise.  There is not a magic number on the scale or all day sweating it out in the gym.  It is a desire to be healthy and taking care of myself so that I am capable of being all God created me to be.  God addressed my eating first; I come from a long family line of food lovers because my sweet grandmother showed us love by cooking.   Food & love became one in the same, which sadly lead to every emotion equaling food.  Eventually all the emotional eating led to being overweight.  Like most women I have done diet after diet.  I have been successful lots of times, but eventually the weight came back.  The real issue was a worshiping issue, meaning a heart issue and God had to deal with it because it was keeping my focus off Him.  Food was my God!  Food was my focus all day long.  God is very clear about having other God’s in my life,

Exodus 20:3-6 (Good News Translation)

³ Worship no god but me.  ⁴ Do not make for yourselves images of anything in heaven or on earth or in the water under the earth.⁵ Do not bow down to any idol or worship it, because I am the Lord your God and I tolerate no rivals. I bring punishment on those who hate me and on their descendants down to the third and fourth generation.⁶ But I show my love to thousands of generations^[a] of those who love me and obey my laws.

The day I had a mental picture of God crying as I ate past the point of being full, sinful behavior, changed me.  I was able to relate to a broken heart because I have suffered from one many times myself.  I don’t wish a broken heart on anyone and certainly do not want to be the cause of one!  I would love to say that I have never overeaten again since then, but that is not the case.  The difference is it is not an everyday, every meal occurrence.  It is very seldom and I am convicted when it does happen.  Living a life according to God’s will is a learning process and I will surely stumble along the way.  The great news is when overeating happens now it is because I am not paying attention.   I no longer look for food to comfort me; I only look to God for comfort these days.  He is the true source of lasting comfort :)

2 Corinthians 1-3 (The Message)

^3-5All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

For my friends who LOVE to work out and have spent YEARS trying to convince me how wonderful it feels afterwards will know God has worked a miracle in me!  Like most people I have worked out because I knew I needed to, wanted to lose weight, be healthier and so on.  I never enjoyed going, doing, or being done…EVER!  I never felt that rush of greatness or accomplishment when I finished.  I can say I truly HATED every aspect of it completely.  I have gone with friends and I have done it alone, nothing made it more fun.  It is truly a MIRACLE that I actually want to go workout and that I enjoy it too.  I miss it when I am sick or my schedule is filled with appointments and I just can’t make it to the track.  I find myself in pure amazement every time I go to the track and grateful for the change God has done in my heart.  Of course there have been times my old thought patterns have popped up, but instead of giving into the thoughts I pray for God to workout with me.  Before I know it my workout is over, my heart is full of gratitude, and I am totally captivated by God’s presence.  

Daniel 1:8-16 (NIV)

⁸ But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way. ⁹ Now God had caused the official to show favor and compassion to Daniel, ¹⁰ but the official told Daniel, “I am afraid of my lord the king, who has assigned your^[a] food and drink. Why should he see you looking worse than the other young men your age? The king would then have my head because of you.”¹¹ Daniel then said to the guard whom the chief official had appointed over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, ¹² “Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. ¹³ Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.” 14 So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days.¹⁵ At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. 16 So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead. 

When I made the choice to take care of my body because I no longer wanted to break God’s heart I had no idea what I was really doing was a form of worshiping and honoring Him.  I can honestly say I have never felt better and I am in awe of all the blessings in my life.  I am so grateful God designed me to have a longing for Him and changed my heart so that all I want to do is glorify Him no matter my circumstances.  Life is good and I am forever grateful for His unconditional love and forgiveness. I am so thankful God is removing all the false God’s in my life. I am finally reliant upon the One who has all the power and who will never leave me or forsake me and loves me unconditionally just as I am.  My life is one hot mess but because of Jesus I have never felt more peace, freedom, contentment and joy in my life!

Love

1 John 4:7-13 (NIV)

⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. ¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.

I have always heard the verse, “love your neighbor as yourself” and taught we should love people.  I have found that I have no problems loving my friends and family that I like, have something in common with, or get along with.  Yup, I am the master at love when it is easy :)  However, I am not the master of love if I am asked to love someone who has hurt me, offended me, rejected me, have nothing in common with or do not really like.  If I was being honest, I really do not want to spend a lot of time with family or friends that I perceive as hurtful.  I want to run the other way and only spend time in my circle of family and friends where it is easy to love and get love in return.  The problem is as I grow in my relationship with God I am learning that is not what God asks me to do.

Matthew 5:43-48 (The Message)

^43-48"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. "In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." 

God is calling me to love the unlovable, the friends and family that I perceive as hurtful.  I have to love them regardless of whether or not they love me in return.  My desire is not to please the person I am loving or try to change them.  My one and only desire is to be pleasing to God and have him change me for His glory and love everyone.  Right now the book I am reading is helping me learn more about loving God’s way.  There have been several sentences that have gotten my attention and had me saying “oh my” and I love that!  While reading this morning this is the sentence that had me saying “oh my”, 

love isn’t about getting others to fill your sense of need.  Jack Miller offers a great definition of what it means to serve one another in love:  “Practically it means to labor to make others successful.” Love involves your effort to help friends, family, and your spouse be successful. (Marriage Matters, Winston T. Smith)  The book goes on to explain we are God’s children and He wants all of us to shine brightly for His glory, not our own glory.  So this morning I find myself asking the question, am I helping others shine for God’s glory or am I taking away their shine?  It is impossible to love the unlovable without God living in me!  When I am not asking God to guide me, help me, teach me, change me, or show me how to respond to family and friends I perceive as hurtful then it is a guarantee I will not respond in love.  When I do not respond in love I run the risk of helping someone shine just a little less and possibly hinder them from being successful. 

Galatians 5:13-15 (The Message)

^13-15It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?

God promises when I do not love other the way He loves me, unconditionally and completely, I will not be all He created me to be and reap the benefits of a God controlled, God centered, God surrendered, God focused, and God dwelling in my heart, mind, and soul life.  My self-centered life and a God Centered life cannot exist together; it has to be one or the other. Last night while at church I heard my pastor, Bill Ramsey, give this word picture; imagine Jesus is walking right next to you as if you are walking with a friend.  Can I just say that if I had Jesus walking next to me as physically as one of my friends, then my life would not be the hot mess it is now!  There is just no way I would have made some of the choices I have made standing right next to Jesus, My Savior.  Honestly, it never even occurred to me to think about Jesus being right next to me even though God’s word is very clear He is with us…*sigh*  The good news is I am growing every day, gaining a clearer understanding of what a God Centered life really means, and how I am supposed to live my life daily.  I am finding that the bottom line of a God Centered life is to love and forgive unconditionally.  

Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)

 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Pastor Bill Ramsey quoted this verse and reminded us that there is not one law created to prevent us from living a life that is God Centered.  All the commandments and laws are for us sinners who make the choice to live a self-centered life, a life fulfilling the flesh.  AMAZING, again something else that never occurred to me.  I have never been told hey you love and forgive me too much and we can’t be friends!

When you get to this point I would like to ask you to please pray for me, pray God continues to show me how to live a God Centered life, that He gives me the strength, grace, and mercy to live each day in the moment, that I be a true reflection of Him. For me to help anyone that crosses my path be successful in giving Him all the glory.  Thank you for lifting me up in prayer.

Sidewalk Prophets: Live Like That

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwZsywhXDg8

Grammy

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my grandmother, Mable Kate aka Grammy, and missing her these days.  Her death left a big hole in my life, one that to this day I struggle with.  I don’t struggle with her death because I know she is with Jesus and that brings me great joy, happiness, and peace.  I struggle with her absence in my daily life.  I struggle because my daughter’s will never know her; they were toddlers when she died.  I struggle because she was my safe haven, my comforter, my cheerleader, my role model, the one who I loved spending time with doing nothing, and so on.  The list is very long for how she fit into my life and it is still very noticeable that she is not in my life almost ten years later.  When I was with her I felt like I was home and it was amazing.  Grammy was a woman who was loved by anyone and everyone that met her.  At her funeral so many people told our family about how they felt so special in her presence even if they only met her once.  She had that gift about her, you felt like you were the only one in the room and no one was more important than you right then and there.  Just about every one of my favorite memories includes her and I cherish them more now than ever.  I am not surprised she has been on my mind and heart a lot lately.  I generally find myself missing her when I am in some sort of storm in my life because I miss her advice, her comfort and her unconditional love that reassured me everything will be ok and work out.  She had no way of knowing the future but she had a gift of helping me feel better no matter what the outcome might be and I trusted her that it would all work out somehow.  For me she was a concrete in the flesh visual for how I imagine God in my life.  Some days I need the reminder of how hands on God’s love for me really is and all that He wants for my life.  Other days my faith is enough.  

2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV)

⁷ For we live by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I would love to say I feel God’s presence all the time, I feel His love and acceptance all the time, that He is physically present in my life daily, but I do not. I am aware feelings are just that, feelings. They are not based in Truth.  Feelings come and go and they can not be the basis for our relationship with God.  I am learning who God is and about His love for me.  I have faith in His word and His promises.  I believe He sent Jesus to have a relationship with me.  So I have faith in Him even though I do not see or physically feel him every day and moment of my life .  It is hard to comprehend God completely and understand just how much He really loves me.  I know and I believe He loves me way more than Grammy ever could.  He desires to fill all the holes her death has left in me.  He desires to be my all and meet all my needs.  He desires me to come running to Him with open arms with all of me and hear all about my day.   He desires me to love Him completely with everything I have. 

Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV)

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

It is a MUST that I love Him even more than I loved Grammy.  Grammy was so amazing because God lived through her, she was a true reflection of God’s love and we were all blessed because of it.  As I learn more and settle in more confidently about God, I know He is there and waiting for me just like Grammy used to be. I am grateful God blessed me with such a wonderful grandmother, for me there is no one better than her. I am thankful He knew I would need a visual on hard days and put such a beautiful reflection of himself in my life for me to cherish and remember.   I love that when I think about her I see God and that gives me comfort right now.  One day I am going to see Jesus and He is my #1 to meet for sure, but be rest assured seeing my sweet Grammy will be my #2 :)

I end this with two song links, one for my sweet Grammy and the other for My Precious Savior.

As always, I am a super blessed and grateful girl!  I have LOTS to be thankful for in my life.

Homesick:  Mercy Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3k1rJOQPdY&feature=related

Here with Me:  Mercy Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74CNUExD4I8&feature=related