Drawing my Line…

Deuteronomy 1:32-33 (Good News Translation)

³² But in spite of what I said, you still would not trust the Lord, ³³ even though he always went ahead of you to find a place for you to camp. To show you the way, he went in front of you in a pillar of fire by night and in a pillar of cloud by day.

Lately I have been asking myself why does it feel like I am standing still and not moving closer to God.  Why does it feel as though my prayers are not being answered?  Why does it feel like life is so scary and uncertain?  I consider myself active in church, pray with my children, try to be a reflection of Jesus and His amazing love, spend time in the Bible, and so on.  It just feels like I hit a wall in some ways.  Now I totally get that feelings are just that FEELINGS.  Joyce Meyer’s posted this the other day on Facebook, “The sooner we learn that feelings are fickle, the better off we are.” Which is so true!  If I let my feelings lead me, man I get into LOTS of trouble!  The past nine months have taught me to trust in God’s promises and truth and not my feelings.  The past nine months have been an amazing journey for my spiritual walk and gratitude just doesn’t seem to be enough for all the blessings in my life.  But now I find myself at a wall, stuck, or standing still.  I have several friends that attended the Women of Faith Conference and honestly I was a little jealous because I couldn’t go.  I desperately knew I needed to get back into that “connection” with God, the kind that women experience while being with other women.  I watched my neighbor leave, but before she left I said I want to hear all about it when you get home!  God is SO AWESOME because she came home and told me all about it and prayers I had been praying just a day before were answered through her visiting with me about the conference.  She told me about one of the speakers, Shelia Walsh, and shared her story about realizing she didn’t trust God completely.  How she found herself coming back to the same broken place and asking God WHY do I keep coming back here.  She heard Him ask, do you trust me?  Now she was at the beach during this conversation with God and decided to draw line in the sand to say, demonstrate, and make a picture of being done with going backwards.  So she drew her line in the sand.  I say all of this because hearing this paraphrased story from my neighbor I heard God asking, do you trust me???  and if I am being totally honest, my answer was yes Lord, BUT not completely.  Not with everything, not with some of my super scary things, and I have been hiding hoping You didn’t see or notice.  

Hebrews 4:12-13 (Good News Translation)

¹² The word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. It cuts all the way through, to where soul and spirit meet, to where joints and marrow come together. It judges the desires and thoughts of the heart. ¹³ There is nothing that can be hid from God; everything in all creation is exposed and lies open before his eyes. And it is to him that we must all give an account of ourselves.

God knew I was hiding and because He is patient, loving, kind, merciful, forgiving, and a comforter He was waiting on me to get out of myself.  He met me this weekend and spoke to me so tenderly about where the disconnect really was, my trust issues, and took me by the hand and showed me how He is going to teach me that He can be trusted. BUT I had to make the first step because faith means ACTION, so yesterday I drew my line!  I will TRUST GOD with EVERYTHING and COMPLETELY.


 

This picture was taken yesterday afternoon and I can’t even begin to tell you all the miracles and blessings that happened by the time I went to bed.  I started the book, Beautiful Things Happen When Woman Trust God by Shelia Walsh and WOW, that is exactly what I saw and felt by the time I was crawling into bed last night.


God is AMAZING and I can’t wait to see where I go from here…