Flower Delivery

Today as I was driving home from work I noticed the car in front of me had several flower arrangements in the back.  It was obvious this person was a flower delivery person and I couldn’t help but to smile and think about what an awesome job that must be!  Now I would like to say before I go on that I LOVE FLOWERS, for me the perfect gift would be to receive a different flower every day for one whole year…*sigh*  Anyways, back to my point, it does not matter the occasion in general people love to receive flowers.  Flowers bring a smile to whoever is receiving them, they provide comfort during sad times, they give hope, love and beauty.  Flowers are fun to send and receive; they are pretty much perfect for every occasion.  So while I was lost in my complete flower bliss thought, I felt God was showing me Jesus is the flower and we are the delivery people.  Talk about stopping me in my tracks….WHAT???  So the more I thought about it, the more I realized wow, that is so true.  No matter the occasion, Jesus is the answer; He is the perfect gift for every heart and just as you receive the flowers, we MUST receive Jesus!

Romans 8:1-11 (Good News Translation)

There is no condemnation now for those who live in union with Christ Jesus. ² For the law of the Spirit, which brings us life in union with Christ Jesus, has set me^[a] free from the law of sin and death. ³ What the Law could not do, because human nature was weak, God did. He condemned sin in human nature by sending his own Son, who came with a nature like our sinful nature, to do away with sin. ⁴ God did this so that the righteous demands of the Law might be fully satisfied in us who live according to the Spirit, and not according to human nature. ⁵ Those who live as their human nature tells them to, have their minds controlled by what human nature wants. Those who live as the Spirit tells them to, have their minds controlled by what the Spirit wants. ⁶ To be controlled by human nature results in death; to be controlled by the Spirit results in life and peace. ⁷ And so people become enemies of God when they are controlled by their human nature; for they do not obey God's law, and in fact they cannot obey it. ⁸ Those who obey their human nature cannot please God.  ⁹ But you do not live as your human nature tells you to; instead, you live as the Spirit tells you to—if, in fact, God's Spirit lives in you. Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. ¹⁰ But if Christ lives in you, the Spirit is life for you^[b] because you have been put right with God, even though your bodies are going to die because of sin. ¹¹ If the Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from death, lives in you, then he who raised Christ from death will also give life to your mortal bodies by the presence of his Spirit in you.

I think because I love to give, being a flower delivery person would just be super fun!  Giving to others truly brings a smile to my face, fills my heart with joy and can turn a “poor me” day into a “grateful” day.  When I am giving, I am being selfless because giving requires me to think about someone else’s needs.  It truly is what helps me through the rough seasons in life.  In that same thought process, I have to realize I already am a flower delivery person!  Meaning, as someone who believes Jesus is the answer to ALL of life’s problems, I must deliver that news to as many people as I can.

Matthew 28:18-20 (Good News Translation)
¹⁸ Jesus drew near and said to them, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ Go, then, to all peoples everywhere and make them my disciples: baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. And I will be with you always, to the end of the age.”


The biggest thing I realized today in my flower bliss state of mind is that sometimes flowers are enough, meaning they don’t say anything; they are just there as a reminder of someone’s love for you.  I think a lot of times I get wrapped up in talking about Jesus to others, which is great, but sometimes all that person really needs is just for me to remind them of His love for them.  That maybe a hug, a smile, a meal, a kind word, an ear that listens or a simple I love you. It isn’t my job to convince people they need Jesus, it’s my job to allow God to use me to SHOW people they need Jesus.  We all know the saying, “actions speak louder than words”.

Matthew 5:14 (Good News Translation)
¹⁴ “You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. ¹⁵ No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.

Casting Crowns – If we are the Body
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAWeHo8E70E

A difference a week makes

 

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him and He helped me. 

~Psalms 28:7

What a difference a week makes, it is so hard for me to believe just one week ago I was sobbing on the phone to my parents late at night about how desperate I felt, how hard this season of my life is right now, and how I just needed them to pray for me.  Our conversation was filled with tears on both ends and a sense of helplessness as parents.  I know they felt helpless on how to help me through this and I felt helpless on how to help Mable through this season.  All of us parents, yet clinging to the hope and promise God gives us through His Word.  Psalms 28:7 is one of my favorite scriptures because I find myself needing the reminder He is my strength because without Him I have none!  He is my shield because without Him I will surely be crushed.  My heart trusts in Him because He LOVES me and has MY BEST interest in mind.  He helps me in EVERY situation because He will NEVER forsake me.  I am just like everyone else and my life gets messy, I make a lot of mistakes and suffer the consequences of my poor choices most of the time.  As an adult and someone who believes Jesus is my Savior, I understand I cannot live my life without Him.  I understand I am filled with a sinful nature and it takes a relationship with Jesus to navigate this life.  I accept being an adult and all that goes with it BUT where life gets hard is when I have to watch my children struggle.  I know they are not immune to struggles any more than I am or anyone else.  I know struggles will help teach them and mold them, provide opportunities for them to learn about Jesus, and provide me opportunities to model a life surrendered to God.  Where I tend to get stuck is when it comes to Mable because I don’t have the slightest idea of what it is like to be autistic!  Yes, I have learned how to help her cope, I have learned how to quickly scan a room for triggers, and I have learned how to structure our lives for her to feel as safe as possible.  I have done a lot of learning over the years, yet still feel like I am only at the beginning of this learning curve.  Last Spring Mable started struggling with a compulsive issue, think of people who have to wash their hands so many times before stopping or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory who has to knock on the door three times, but the problem is her compulsive issues are her imaginary friends.  She would think someone took her journal that didn’t exist, her tail is stuck, her gloves came off, Sponge Bob is chasing her with his spatula, etc.  At first I could ask, “how can I help you”? and she could give me a series of steps to solve the problem but over time no amount of steps would make the problem better.  During this time I also found out she needed to have one of her mood stabilizers removed due to it raising other levels in her body.  So the chase began, chasing compulsive issues and mood stabilizers.  I knew a long road was ahead of me because of her history but I pressed on with prayer, guidance from her psychiatrist, friends, and family.  I have used essential oils, I have tried various medicines, and prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life.  All of this led to the events of last weekend, a mood stabilizer that made my sweet, loving girl violent.  Since the mood stabilizer starts out slowly the violence started out slowly as well.  It is not uncommon for autistic children to cause harm during a melt down and Mable is no exception to that rule.  Over the years she has bit people, kicked, scratched, etc. in her school setting; however, she has never done those things to me.  She has always clung to me to feel safe, to reassure her, to love her…it was so difficult to suddenly become the target of her raging behavior!  Yet, there I was in the middle of her out of control storm standing on one side of her door while she stood on the other side hurling things at me.  I would shut the door when she threw something or lunged at me but always open it again once the moment passed and reassure her she was not alone in this storm.  The back of her bedroom door looks like a war zone, her room equally as bad and both of us with bruises and cuts from the all day long battle.  Last Saturday, is a day I will never forget because I have never felt so helpless in my life!  There I was helpless to help my sweet girl who was in such a desperate time in her life.  All I had was prayer, all I had was my Psalms 28:7 scripture verse, all I had was all the promises I knew God gives in His word!  As the event unfolded I was reminded of ideas and suggestions that had been given to me earlier in the week, which is exactly what I need to help keep Mable safe in that moment.  I also had God’s peace wrapped around me as tightly as a winter coat, I could feel it all over me as if I was in the middle of a snow storm and being kept warm.  It certainly was beyond my understanding because NOTHING in this episode was peaceful.  We were both fighting for our lives!  Mable was fighting the raging, imaginary monsters in her head and I was fighting to keep both of us safe as she found the latest object to cause damage.  Eventually it ended, both of us sweating, worn out and minimally hurt.  As she moved throughout the rest of the day, I worked to ensure her room would be safe for both of us which meant basically an empty bedroom for Mable.  Her room only has a bed and dresser right now until I know this season has passed!  The episodes the rest of the day were better because the only dangerous item left, who knew kids toys could become weapons!, was her own body.  Thankfully, bedtime came and a much needed breakdown!  I am so grateful I have an amazing family & friends because I am not sure how I would make it without them.  I really have a long list of people I can call and hear encouraging words, get support, or whatever I need.  I am blessed and not a day goes by that I am unaware of how blessed I am.  Most of the time I don’t NEED anyone to do anything, I don’t NEED action from others very often because most don’t know how to help Mable in her time of need, but what I do NEED often is just someone to listen to my tears without judgment.  It’s hard being the parent of a special needs child and it is a lifelong job.  It’s a job where feelings of failure happen quite often, judgment from others, feeling alone, dreams of grown children and all that come from grown children (i.e. college, marriage, grandchildren) get crushed, etc.  Life is suddenly changed with a diagnosis of special needs, no matter what that diagnosis may be, life for your child will never be as you dreamed it would be BUT it can also be better than you ever thought possible too.  I do worry about her future, her care, her life but I put all that worry in God's hands because He knows exactly what she needs and when she needs it.  For the record, I adore Mable!  If God had given me the option whether to be her mom or not, I would have chosen this life with her all over again in a heartbeat.  The joy she brings my life, the lessons I have learned, the perspective I have, the patience I have, the parent I am today is because of her.  She has added more to my life than I could ever imagine.  As I sit here tonight, reflecting on how drastically different this weekend was to last weekend, I can’t help but to hold onto

Isaiah 43:2-3 (NIV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. ³ For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…

I am grateful I have a Lord and Savior who is ALWAYS with me and will carry me THROUGH every event in my life.  I am also so thankful for the calmness we enjoyed this weekend.  Mable is still struggling with her compulsive issues and we are still trying to figure out the next step on how to help her, but the violence is gone!  My sweet, loving, giggling girl is back :)

Today as we watched Gateway Live, Mable said “that is my song!”

All He Says I Am – Gateway Worship

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDFqLnL0Sa-WE&v=FqLnL0Sa-WE

Phoebe Lucille

aka

Phoebalicious

Psalms 127:3 (GNT) ³ Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing.

My family has been blessed in so many ways but one of the blessings we are most grateful for are all the children each of us have been given by God.  Since I have several siblings we have had the joy of lots of little feet running around over the years.  We have been blessed to experience the precious children individually and in pairs.  I want to take a moment to break it down for you in hopes you will better understand how much the devastating news we received yesterday about Phoebe is so heart breaking for our family.  Although, I do understand a child dying of cancer is heartbreaking no matter what!

Kristina (currently 27 yrs) and Desiree (currently 25 yrs) were the first set of blessings for our family, they came with Gus when he married my older sister Dede and they were 4 and 6 yrs old and so much fun!  They were the only grand-kids/nieces and the joy of our family for a long time. 

Jake (currently 17 yrs) and Sam (currently 16 yrs) were the next set born although not at the same time and different parents but they are about six weeks apart, so close enough :)  Oh how excited we were to have new babies around and BOYS!  We enjoyed watching them discover things and Mammaw, Julie, finally had little people who shared her love of bugs and snakes!

Robert (currently 13) and Parker (currently 13) came next, again not a the same time, but this time Dede and my brother Jim I guess planned better because the boys are only four weeks apart!  We again were so excited to have new babies and more boys!!!  By this time we were definitely very familiar with all things boys, who knew boys could be so much fun!

Mable and Molly (just turned 13 yrs) my girls, followed shortly after the boys since they are just eight months younger than Robert and Parker.  Finally more girls to even out the playing field ;)  It was definitely interesting to see four little ones running around all at once and we were an extremely busy family at holiday functions.  But so much fun :)

This was our group of grand-kids/nieces/nephews for a few years and a pure delight for our family! We enjoyed every moment we had with them and still enjoy the young adults they are becoming today.  I am so proud to say they are being raised in Godly homes and are developing their own personal relationships with Jesus. 

Since Amey is my little sister, her group of children came a few years after this bunch and the Fair’s didn’t come in pairs.  I think there was a little bit more sweetness with this round of children because the “older” siblings were done having children and each birth was so exciting and new.

Ben (currently 11 yrs) a new baby boy!  It was so exciting to have a baby again to cuddle and snuggle with.  Ben was a very happy baby and so sweet!  He still is extremely sweet too.  

Averic (currently 9 yrs) a new baby boy! This one with blonde hair and the cutest nose, it was so wonderful to have another baby again and all the excitement and joy that comes with them.  His adventurous spirit is one of my favorite things!

Deacon (currently 5 yrs) a new baby boy! Oh how we love this boy and enjoyed having a wonderful baby to snuggle and cuddle.  His shyness makes you appreciate his hugs, cuddles, and love that much more :)

As you can see our family line up is very heavy on the boy side ;)  We think they are FABULOUS and now that they are all a lot bigger it is impressive to see all of them in one room!  Boys can eat lots and lots of food, just sayin…

Now we are to the one and only PHOEBALICIOUS! (currently 3 yrs) oh how this girl kept up waiting!  Since Amey lived in Mexico and believed in having a natural birth, we did a lot of waiting!  Phoebe finally made her arrival 3 weeks after her original due date.  Everyone was on baby watch via Facebook for many reasons, but the main one being we didn’t know if we were getting a boy or a girl.  Since the Fair’s like to produce boys, the odds were pretty strong for another Fabulous Fair Boy.  Oh the excitement of "it’s a girl"!  Phoebe has held all our attention from in the womb and still holds all of us captive today.  She is the baby girl of our family, she shines so brightly with her sweet smile and personality.  To be with her is to fall head over heels madly in love with her.  You can’t help yourself; you just want more and more of her!  You have never seen anything more precious than watching all the grandkids/nieces/nephews tend to her every need.  Yes, from birth to present Phoebe is our princess, our heart, and our miracle.  Being the “baby” and all things pink, sparkly, and girly in this huge group has a special place in all our hearts.  Phoebe captivates us like the sun, moon, and stars.  She is our miracle because as my dad posted on Facebook, “In Phoebe we have had a rare opportunity. In Phoebe we have seen Jesus and we will never be the same.”  Our hearts are all breaking, but the out pouring of love, prayers, and support our family has received during this journey is amazing!  Phoebe may not have much time left on this Earth, but the impact she has had in her short life will last for years to come.  Phoebe is definitely following in her great grandfather Zig Ziglar’s steps and leaving a legacy of leading people to Jesus!

Thank you so much for all the kind words, prayers, love, and support.  I am so grateful God has wrapped our family in such loving arms.  Our family is a family of faith and today's these verse bring me comfort.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) 

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Phoebalicious’ Aunt Jenni