Changed
Some days I find myself so wrapped up in gratitude I am a HUGE cry baby because it is so overwhelming and other days I struggle with fear of the unknown. I can be overly grateful in one moment and then get that call with bad news about someone I love and suddenly be wrapped up in fear the next moment. It is an emotional rollercoaster for sure on some day. But I love that God knows what I need, what I will go through, and how things will turn out long before I ever step on the rollercoaster. I love that Jesus experienced this life on Earth and set the example for how we should live, and in this case respond to fear. For a few months now this scripture has been speaking to me,
Luke 22:41-44 (Good News Translation)
41 Then he went off from
them about the distance of a stone's throw and knelt down and prayed. 42 “Father,” he said, “if you will, take this cup of
suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and
strengthened him. 44 In great
anguish he prayed even more fervently; his sweat was like drops of blood
falling to the ground.
It is encouraging to know that even Jesus
asked God to please remove this cup of suffering from him. It is so nice to know that even Jesus had to
be scared on some level; He knew He would be enduring torture and a very
painful death. He knew the road ahead
was not going to be easy. BUT He did not
set the example for us to dwell in the fear or run from it, He taught us to
pray for God’s will to be done.
Why? Because He knew God’s will
was perfect and He knew what needed to happen for God’s glory and purpose.
As I
sit here tonight I think about all the pain I have gone through over this past
year. All the pain my family and friends
have gone through and are going through.
I think about all the times I have asked, begged, and pleaded for God to
please remove this cup of suffering from me because at times it just seemed
like too much to bare. What I have discovered is while I have begged and
pleaded for an easier road I have also asked for God’s will to be done in my
life because I do know He wants what is best for me. I can say that had God answered my cries to
remove the pain, I would not be the person I am today. I am stronger, confident, assured, and FIRMLY
planted in my relationship with Him. I
have an unshakeable faith because I have endured some strong storms where every
direction was tossing me around and He was all I had to cling too. I am forever grateful God didn’t give me what
I wanted (the easier path with a magic cure) but gave me what I needed (a road
that lead me to be fully dependent upon Him).
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter how scary the situation
looks, I will be ok. There is nothing too
big for God and NOTHING is a shock to Him either!
I am forever changed and forever grateful
that God met me in my deepest, darkest, scariest, and broken place a year ago
and loved me through it. He changed me
to be a reflection of Him and opened up so many doors to strengthen and
encourage others in their darkest of moments.
He made me relatable and has given me the ability to be transparent. My favorite picture these days is the one
that says “When life gets too hard to stand….Kneel” I love my Savior because he has saved me and
not because I deserve it, but because He loves me. All I did was cry out and was willing to
surrender, to die to myself and live for Him.
I am so grateful for the life I have these
days and blessed beyond belief :)
Changed – Rascal Flatts
