Grammy
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my grandmother,
Mable Kate aka Grammy, and missing her these days. Her death left a big hole in my life, one
that to this day I struggle with. I don’t
struggle with her death because I know she is with Jesus and that brings me
great joy, happiness, and peace. I struggle
with her absence in my daily life. I
struggle because my daughter’s will never know her; they were toddlers when she
died. I struggle because she was my safe
haven, my comforter, my cheerleader, my role model, the one who I loved
spending time with doing nothing, and so on.
The list is very long for how she fit into my life and it is still very noticeable
that she is not in my life almost ten years later. When I was with her I felt like I was home
and it was amazing. Grammy was a woman
who was loved by anyone and everyone that met her. At her funeral so many people told our family
about how they felt so special in her presence even if they only met her
once. She had that gift about her, you
felt like you were the only one in the room and no one was more important than
you right then and there. Just about every
one of my favorite memories includes her and I cherish them more now than ever. I am not surprised she has been on my mind
and heart a lot lately. I generally find
myself missing her when I am in some sort of storm in my life because I miss
her advice, her comfort and her unconditional love that reassured me everything
will be ok and work out. She had no way
of knowing the future but she had a gift of helping me feel better no matter
what the outcome might be and I trusted her that it would all work out
somehow. For me she was a concrete in
the flesh visual for how I imagine God in my life. Some days I need the reminder of how hands on
God’s love for me really is and all that He wants for my life. Other days my faith is enough.
2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV)
7 For we live by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on
what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I would love to say I feel God’s presence all the time, I
feel His love and acceptance all the time, that He is physically present in my
life daily, but I do not. I am aware feelings are just that, feelings. They are not based in Truth. Feelings come and go and they can not be the basis for our relationship with God. I am learning
who God is and about His love for me. I
have faith in His word and His promises.
I believe He sent Jesus to have a relationship with me. So I have faith in Him even though I do not
see or physically feel him every day and moment of my life . It is hard to comprehend God completely and
understand just how much He really loves me.
I know and I believe He loves me way more than Grammy ever could. He desires to fill all the holes her death
has left in me. He desires to be my all
and meet all my needs. He desires me to
come running to Him with open arms with all of me and hear all about my day. He desires me to love Him completely with
everything I have.
Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV)
5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and
with all your soul and with all your strength.
It is a MUST that I love Him even more
than I loved Grammy. Grammy was so
amazing because God lived through her, she was a true reflection of God’s love
and we were all blessed because of it.
As I learn more and settle in more confidently about God, I know He is
there and waiting for me just like Grammy used to be. I am grateful God blessed me with such a wonderful
grandmother, for me there is no one better than her. I am thankful He knew I
would need a visual on hard days and put such a beautiful reflection of himself
in my life for me to cherish and remember.
I love that when I think about
her I see God and that gives me comfort right now. One day I am going to see Jesus and He is my
#1 to meet for sure, but be rest assured seeing my sweet Grammy will be my #2 :)
I end this with two song links, one for my sweet Grammy and
the other for My Precious Savior.
As always, I am a super blessed and grateful girl! I have LOTS to be thankful for in my life.
Homesick: Mercy Me
Here with Me: Mercy
Me
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